Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
