got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
