It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
