Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
