I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
