D3 body, D1 cock
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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