You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
we should paint friendship bongs
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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