Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Someone shattered a urinal.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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