They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
