well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
