Sorry, I don't speak sober.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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