bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
