so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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