if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
