Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
