just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
