I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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