In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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