Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
