Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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