Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
