It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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