he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
