I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
