you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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