he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
