On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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