i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize