just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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