When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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