I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I am one with the molecules
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
