I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She told me I should be a condom model.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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