I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
