Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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