you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
