I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
