did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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