That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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