Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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