I will die if light touches me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
