The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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