So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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