So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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