o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
