I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
