just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
