Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize