Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
