haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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