I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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