i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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