he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
