it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize