U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
