Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
