oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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