her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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